Night of the Demon

What makes a film good? Is it a unique plot? Brilliant direction? Snappy editing? Oscar-worthy performances? Could it be a combination of perfect costuming, breathtaking locations, and a bombastic, sweeping score that tugs on your heartstrings like a hunchback on a bellrope? Does it make you cry or laugh or feel inspired? At the very least, did it make a lot of money?

Well, these are the things that make a movie conventionally good. And lucky for us, that means they’re all totally irrelevant. Because Night of the Demon (1980), our flick du jour, is anything but conventionally good. Of course, this doesn’t stop it from being amazing in every other way.

Night of the Demon begins with the impressively mustachioed Professor Nugent proposing an optional extra credit trip to his mostly bored students. Seems like a decent enough idea...except for the fact that the purpose of this little expedition is to go in search of a particularly violent Bigfoot which is supposed to be responsible for a number of grisly murders. The few students stupid, er, intrepid enough sign up, and they head off into the mountains.

and oh, what marvels await them. In these tall forests of ancient pines lurks a hairy horror with a chip on its shoulder the size of Iowa. Now, you would probably predict the plot to go as follows: group gets lost in the woods, and everyone ends up picked off one by one under circumstances of extreme stupidity. However, that’s where you’re in for a surprise. Instead, the prof and his followers discover a cult of mountain people with questionable breeding. These wacky rednecks worship the Bigfoot as a god, and perform strange rituals deep in the mountains. After a bit of detective work, it becomes apparent to our heroes that the only person who really knows what’s up with this sassy Sasquatch is an insane, mute hermit aptly named “Crazy Wanda.” So, the game is a-bigfoot, and the search is on to find Wanda and the yeti that’s been mutilating the local yokels. 

Really, I can’t bear to reveal much more than that. Plot is truly one of the strengths of Night of the Demon. There are plenty of delightful little moments you simply won’t see coming. Watching it for the first time is like unwrapping a series of decidedly unusual Christmas presents. A hypnosis inspired flashback to an abusive childhood? Why, you shouldn’t have! Let’s face it, the script is just plain better than average. the structure is interesting. Aside from the truly breathtaking finale, almost all the gore scenes take place in a flashback. The usual format is, someone will begin telling the sordid tale of yet another hapless Bigfoot victim, and we’ll fade to the actual killing. It’s brilliant! The best stories are always told by Professor Nugent, because afterwards he gets lines  like “By the time they found him, he’d bled to death. Well, we’d better get to bed!” He’s such a charmer. 

But naturally, the real star of the show is the sinister Sasquatch. He’s not just psychotic, he’s emotionally complex. In the course of the film we see him go through a vast range of emotions, from the aforementioned furious killing rage, to disturbingly amorous, and even filled with a wistful melcholy as he contemplates the extinction of his species. It’s apparent that he possesses some level of intelligence; this bigfoot is a tool-using animal.

And the killings, oh the killings. No one ever dies the same way twice. If you meet this beast, hey, at least you’ve got options! You could be torn limb from limb, violently divorced from your genitals, hacked up with an axe, impaled on a tree branch, stabbed with your best friend’s knife, get your face burned off on a hot stove...oh, the ways you can go! So, let’s recap, shall we? A sinister cult of rednecks performing weird rituals. Protagonists who are certainly hapless, yet manage not to be too offensively stupid. And an endless series of creative violence. Honestly, what else do you need? In short, if you only see one film starring a dick-rippin’, gut-slingin’ yeti this holiday season, make sure it’s Night of the Demon. 

Night of the Bloody Apes

There are some titles destined to grab hold of ones imagination. Night of the Bloody Apes (1972) is a pretty standout example. Of course, it’s a bit misleading. Those of you picturing a marauding group of gore-soaked orangutans may come away disappointed. In fact, there’s only one ape, and he’s more of a man-made monster, really. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Our plot begins with lovely Lucy, a female lucha libre wrestler. During a match she accidentally cracks her opponent’s skull open. Tough move. Being the sweet luchadora next door type, she’s real broken up about all this. The comatose wrestler is carted off to the hospital, where lurks Dr. Krallman, a madder-than-mad scientist.

Krallman’s son Julio is dying of leukemia. While this would make any parent desperate, most wouldn’t react by stealing a gorilla from the zoo. Yes, Krallman’s master plan is to give Julio the gorilla’s heart, thus curing him of cancer...well, it probably made perfect sense at the time. Unfortunately, it turns out that gorilla hearts are too powerful for the human system to handle, and Julio is transformed into a murderous man-beast! Not having much else to do, Julio splits and goes out on a killing spree.

Most of the movie is devoted to Julio escaping, being captured by dad and obsequious lackey Goyo, and escaping again. Lucy shows up to wrestle once in a while, but spends most of her time being irrelevant to the plot and taking showers. By the time Dr. Krallman has concocted a baffling, psuedoscientific plan to put Julio right again, things may already be...too late.

So what’s the gore score? Pretty darn good. Upping the quotient is the fact that actual footage of open heart surgery is used during the transplant scene. It’s hard to get more realistic than that! Julio’s killing sprees give us plenty of variety. Strangling, clawing, stabbing, scalping, decapitation...the kid does it all! Probably the best bit is when Julio is lurching down a street, only to turn casually and pop out a guy’s eyeball. Ouch.

That’s all well and good, but what about sex? Those of you who like their blood with a healthy side order of boobs will not be disappointed. Most of the T&A on display is all thanks to Julio. The cheeky man-beast has a habit of violently disrobing his female victims. “Screaming” and “Jiggling” are two words that apply to most of the female characters in this movie

There are a lot of little things to love about Apes. My own personal point of adoration is the fact that Julio is always clad in his pajama bottoms. Sort of takes away from that aura of menace, doesn’t it? It certainly makes him unique. I can’t think of any other monsters that go out to kill in their comfy sleepwear. 

The dubbing is another draw here. For one thing, the translation from Spanish is hopelessly awkward. If the idea of English syntax taking a brutal pounding appeals to you (you pervert), this is a movie you will not want to miss. The voice work is about what you’d expect. Hearing Dr. Krallman say “Prepare the gorilla” with all the gravitas of a trained Shakespearean is a genuine delight. So lets recap, shall we? Mad doctors. Cringing henchmen. Female Mexican wrestlers. An ape-man in his jammies. People, if I’m dreaming, please don’t wake me up.

The Incredible Melting Man

The Incredible Melting Man (1977) is one gooey flick. And I’m telling you right now, this is pretty much the central thesis of my review. So, if you have anywhere you really need to be, a dentist appointment or whatever, feel free to run along. Those of you with more time on your hands, stick with me. Things are about to get messy!

The plot here is pretty classic sci-fi/horror fare. Astronaut Steve West is tragically irradiated when his ship gets too close to some stock footage of a solar flare. He survives, but with some serious melting issues and an insatiable hunger for human flesh. Upon discovering his condition, Steve attacks and munches on a chubby nurse whose uniform fits her like the casing on a sausage. Freshly energized, Steve escapes to go on a rampage of oozin’ and eatin’. It’s up to Dr. Ted Nelson and General Perry to catch the melting menace before the local populace catches on. Unfortunately for them, Steve is doing some pretty efficient population control.

All this sounds like fun, so here’s a rough question. Is the movie any good? The best I can come up with is, well, sorta. The acting doesn’t help. It’s either overdone to the point of panicked hysteria, or simply doesn’t exist. For instance, General Perry is outacted by random household appliances. Though to be fair, the interior decor in the film is so strikingly horrible that this may not entirely be his fault. The pacing is another issue here. Scenes that should be suspenseful are dragged out until they become as turgid and slow as melting man ooze running uphill. 

The worst offender in the category is the scene in which Steve is stalking around the home of Dr. Nelson while his wife sits inside and knits. And knits. And knits. For what feels like an hour. The tension is unbearable. Will she drop a stitch? Stab herself with a needle? God, I can hardly stand to watch. 

So then, what is good? The effects. Don’t go expecting too much gore; the film is more vile than violent. There are some chewed on corpses to look at, though. And the head. Oh, the head. Early in his rampage, Steve attacks a dopey fisherman and decapitates him through sheer brute strength (Because that’s how radiation works in movies. It makes you strong, sticky, and starving.) The head gets dropped in the river, where it blissfully floats downstream until it goes over a waterfall and cracks open on some rocks. Sheer poetry.

But the best thing about the film is the melting, as the title would indeed indicate. As Steve decomposes further, bits begin to get left behind. In the end, his face is little more than a slime covered skull. There are some genuine “how did they do that?” moments, and that’s what really makes the film worth watching. Makeup artist Rick Baker certainly did a lot on a budget that can’t have been too impressive. So now, the big question: should you watch The Incredible Melting Man? I would say yes. If you’ve got the time for gallons of slime, that is.